Estudyante/ Empleyado Blues

Yup, I am a student again. P7,030.00 poorer , for 6 units in UPLB. This sem, I'll have the usual Saturday classes- Change Management (9-12nn) and Management Dimensions of Development Organizations (1-4PM)

I project that I will be again exhausted come Saturday afternoon, slamming the car doors, lugging heavy books home and asking myself "Why, why do I choose to punish myself like this?" After this semester, I have 2 more sems to go -- including my comprehensive exam, one seminar and my field study. Whew. And I am determined to finish it - with the baby and all.

Why, why why. When I went to my first class last Saturday, I suddenly remembered why. I love exchanging ideas with like minded people. People with dreams and different opinions and different backgrounds. I love it how my classmates are very willing to learn and interested in everything that anyone wants to share about their respective development professions. Grad studies at UP fires me up and retains my dreams and idealism.

Add up the regular invitations from my "home" college , the College of Human Ecology -for me to speak about different topics with the students. I think it's really fun - because I was never a model student during my college years (I had average grades and my share of absences and cutting classes) ... yet my professors still want to hear what I have to share. And I love sharing new learnings and experiences. A selection of my "talks" include How did my course help prepare me for my professional life, Importance of Volunteerism, Experiences in Volunteerism, Corporate Social Responsibility, Documenting and Monitoring Your Project. It's very college specific so I don't see myself becoming a national inspirational speaker someday, hehe.

But, my graduate degree will also help me gain plus points for the time when I can afford to leave the semi-corporate world of development to teach at UPLB :-)

In the place I work, I am still searching for my inspiration or maybe some friends who will share my idealism and my passion for development. As of now, I still haven't found them. It was very easy enough to find like-minded people in my past organizations. But here, I feel like people are super extremes -- in opposite sides of the pole!

I feel like some people don't really care (someone already told me, "hey I'm just here for the money" and someone also admitted that up to now she still doesn't know the overall goal of her work) , while some people are already way up there, lovin their job - with not much time to mentor beginners or even exchange ideas with people like me who are stuck in the middle of the pole. :-)

Well, maybe it's too early to judge - I hope I meet people "in my part of the pole" - or I guess I'm missing meaningful conversations I used to have with all my "development-oriented" friends.

Sigh. Whatever. I just do my job here (I like it! I am so afraid to lose it - they have a very strict evaluation procedure) -- cross my fingers that I get used to the people and the culuture. I still don't feel like I belong.

But I look forward to my Saturday classes - where there are no pretensions and people are so very welcoming :-)